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Distributed == Relational
Perhaps surprisingly, distributed systems are naturally relational
First: any SQL platform worth using (this means, basically, not MySQL) supports writing triggers in Python, which no-one considers a terrible language. There is nothing, for example, to prevent a single function invocation being triggered by data coming from multiple different organisations (modulo a good security story, which we have but this will have to be discussed later). In this way, we can allow API clients to employ partial functions they can define, and combined with the likes of map and fold, customise our service in a way that is both simple and flexible.
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