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The Decline of Etiquette and the Rise of 'Boundaries' (2022)

For centuries, strict social norms dictated what people could politely talk about. Now we have to figure it out for ourselves.

According to one etiquette film from that year, children were expected to arrive promptly with hair combed and faces scrubbed; daughters should have changed from school clothes to “something more festive.” Most important, conversation topics had to be chosen with care. Advice columnists are fielding questions about how to protect against overshares, as well as what constitutes TMI(“too much information”) in the first place; psychology websites are advising readers on how to deal with “ TMI-prone friends ”; the personal-essay genre is caught in a never-ending discourse about its own self-indulgence; TikTokers are accusing their peers of divulging life details to the point of “ trauma dumping.” As society-wide norms have loosened, individuals have taken on the burden of navigating their own boundaries—and it isn’t always easy. Online, new privacy features, such as Twitter Circle and Instagram’s Close Friends, restrict the reach of certain posts so that only a preselected group will see them; users no longer have to risk their aunt learning about their shroom trip, or their child’s babysitter seeing photos from their night out.

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